“I thank God that you are unique!”

 SARCASM TRIBUTE!

“When I was a girl I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.”

“The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, as long as that's just a stop on the way to his penis.”

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”

Addition: Sometime I want to flash a peace sign too, but in my weakened condition, I only manage to raise my middle finger.

Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.

This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.

 

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

 

That's it, no more free will.

In man's struggle against the world, bet on the world.

There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?

I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

No? OK, here it comes:

 

When someone asks if you are awake, as they are looking into your open eyes. You will answer: No, and I think I’m having a nightmare.

When someone asks whether you hate when people ask stupid questions.You will answer: No, I actually quite enjoy their stupidity on display.

When someone asks whether you wanted that last piece of food.You will answer: No, no; I was just reaching for the empty box.

That's all for tonight.

Do not take these advices figuratively,

take them rather literally.

Long kiss goodnight!